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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28493838">Wild Sage, Growing in the Weeds</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mens_enim_formicularum/pseuds/mens_enim_formicularum'>mens_enim_formicularum</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Ending, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Exile, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, god guys i loved the exile arc, im not projecting, this got a little dark i swear i didnt mean to</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:07:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>601</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28493838</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mens_enim_formicularum/pseuds/mens_enim_formicularum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy looks down to the scrape on his knee, brought up to his chest as he sits.<br/>“They all left me, Dream.”<br/>“It’s an exile Tommy, that’s the point.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wild Sage, Growing in the Weeds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>me???  referencing the mountain goats in my title???? never. /s </p><p>this has a big CW for suicide, as i liked the idea of an alternate ending to the exile arc. Im trying to work more on having more linear writing, but god tangential poetic shit is so easy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tommy counts his steps each day now. It’s something solid, it doesn’t leave him. He counts the days between each visit from dream as well. Sometimes he even misses him when he's gone.</p><p>He’s discovered by now that if you analyze each and every bit of a feeling, observe it in its entirety, it loses importance. So when his palm is torn and blistering, all bloody and pulsing from where it burnt, all he does is look at it. He feels it of course, but that pain fades alongside his unyielding observation. It looks like wax, weeping from where normal skin had before lay unmarred.</p><p>When he doesn’t have a letter left in some hidden spot, or a visit from anyone, or any acknowledgement at all from another person, he doesn’t pity himself. He becomes comfortable with it, soaking in the feeling of desperation creeping through his bones. He looks at it without cease, noticing each twitch of dread in his chest. </p><p>He looks at the roiling pits of magma with the same unrelenting gaze. </p><p> </p><p>When Dream visits, any laughter heard is twisted and broken in some way. That laughter is all he has though, so he doesn’t care to notice the sick gleeful laughter timed moments after he expresses his woes, or the pointed silence when he makes an amicable remark. </p><p>Dream tends to indulge Tommy’s worrying train of thought as he releases the floodgates and verbalizes each and every doubt he has. He nudges him along, almost encouraging him to let himself slip, to look a bit too long at magma far below his feet. </p><p> </p><p>One day, on the peaceful grassy hill where Tommy had taken residence, the two sat and traded a few words. </p><p>Tommy looks down to the scrape on his knee, brought up to his chest as he sits.</p><p>“They all left me, Dream.”</p><p>The older man responds with a breathy chuckle. </p><p>“It’s an exile Tommy, that’s the point.” </p><p>“I know, but,” Tommy pauses to pick at the hem of his torn dirtied shirt, letting his mind wander, “I thought they would visit me sometimes.” </p><p>“Tommy, they hate you! They exiled you for a reason, you forced Tubbo’s hand, you know. He wasn’t going to exile you, but you just kept pushing.” His voice was accompanied by a crooked grin, not hidden in the slightest, as if he was just repeating what Tommy already knew. </p><p>Tommy sighs, leaning back to glare at the bright sun. One would almost think the sunny day was attempting to stop his wallowing. He stood abruptly. </p><p>“Dream, I’m going to get some pep in my step. It’s looking up for me now, I’m sure of it.” </p><p>Dream betrays no emotion as the boy speaks. </p><p> </p><p>Tommy being alone is not conducive to his being productive. He discovers this very soon in, eyes always hovering over patches of brambles and weeds to search for sage within. </p><p>He never sees any. </p><p> </p><p>It’s fitting, to be sat upon a towering pile of splintering planks of wood looking down on everything below. Instead of magma intoxicating his mind, the salty ocean air burns his throat and the wind bites at his fingertips. </p><p>It’s fitting, that he breaks from Theseus. Theseus, who was cast into the water by the king of the land which he was exiled to. Theseus, broken apart by the world around him. Tommy instead broken by himself, taking his life (and, by extension, his death) into his own hands. </p><p>It’s fitting as well that, in the few moments before he hits the ground, he changes his mind. </p><p>He changes his mind too late. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>also funny story the DAY before dream brought up how theseus was killed by the king of the land he was exiled to, i had been telling my friend about how i reread theseus and thought that techno would kill tommy because of that. guess im just smart n shit. /s<br/>but ngl i think techno will grow close to tommy and later have to kill him, probably in water, and hate himself for it.<br/>fuck this shit i need to stop theorizing, im just hurting myself extra lmao.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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